lifetreecoaching

I’ve been taking a pottery class for the last couple of months and have found it to be an excellent practice in moving beyond perfectionism.   Sometimes I find it difficult to complete a project (blogging for example) because the perfectionist in me dissects it, evaluates it, or talks myself out of it before it can really take off.  Throughout the process, I sometimes undo what I’ve already done in an effort to make it better, “fix it”, improve on it.  This easily can leave me stuck as in quicksand.

I have noticed that with pottery, at a certain point, you can’t really “go back”.  Yes, you can break your clay down, rework it, get the bubbles out and start over if you don’t like what you see, or if what you have thrown on the wheel collapses entirely.  But if you really want to learn the craft, you have to keep going.  There is no other way.  You have to at some point be content that your pot or cup has held together at all… that it’s “mostly” centered on the wheel, that it even has walls… And let go of the notion that those walls are supposed to look as you had imagined them.  They may even have laid flat down like a plate!  The lip of the container may not be the shape or size you intended.  But, if you don’t allow that something…anything… to take form, and be grateful for it in some way, you’ll never learn the myriad of other skills that make pottery pottery…Sanding, waxing, firing, glazing, and you’ll never hold a finished product in your hands.

On day two the lesson was in my face.  I accidently chipped the bottom edge of my first dried cup, still so fragile and unfired.  As I pondered whether I could sand it out, the instructor approached me suggesting instead I make it look as though it was intended.  She handed me a metal file and I proceeded to create decorative notches along the base.  The uneven, imperfect, fluted rim then enticed me to paint a tree up one side enveloping the organic shape of its edge.  I was getting it.  Once the process has begun, you have two choices, throw it away (and with it all the time and energy spent), or make something of it!  Keep your eyes focused forward on what can become of it.  Give your energy not to fixing or undoing, but instead to becoming… nurturing…envisioning… allowing it emerge as something new in every moment if it calls for it.

I left vitally aware of this gem of an insight further benefiting my work, my home, my family.  How often do we have one vision of how everything will, should, or must look or be…only to feel derailed by the day’s events and circumstances outside our control?  What if rather than experience disappointment and exhaust ourselves in the effort to “fix” problems around us—undoing and redoing to “get back on track”—we learn to release our judgment of that moment as being anything less than perfect?   I undoubtedly experience more joy, freedom, and inherent possibility when I let the past inform me – then allow it to fall away — giving all my energy and focus solely to how I can move forward.   If we take time enough to slow down, we can embrace the unexpected in each moment and ask ourselves what new creation, new vision of “perfect” can emerge from the seemingly imperfect encounters of our lives.

To learn more about Sharon Wieczorek and Life Tree Coaching, Go To:  www.LifeTreeCoaching.com

Today began like any ordinary morning at our house, going down the necessary checklist to get my husband and I ready for work and two boys out the door to school… all the while managing the high level of distractibility that comes with young children and a puppy in the mix.

We had seen it snow heavily at dusk last night, and based on the nightly news, the clouds would clear but the temps would also drop significantly.

Given last night’s weather report, I cruised quickly through the morning, shades still drawn, focused on the usual indoor tasks and getting the boys dressed while I listened to my husband’s comments about the state of the outdoors.  He had been in and out several times.  What I heard him say is “Wow!  Very cold outside!  Frost.  Slick steps.  Layer of ice on our windshields. And… REALLY cold out (again).”  I was taking it all in.  I was dressing our youngest to meet the weather’s challenges, while my sweet hubby was scraping our cars.  You see, my husband, truthfully is no “fair weather guy”.  He rarely wears a coat and golfs year-round, usually the first to tee off after a frost delay.  So when I listened to his reports this morning, I assumed it must be FRIGID out there.  Decidedly, I would not walk our youngest to school today– frosty sidewalks would be a danger and slow us down.  We moved toward the door as my husband warned, “Be careful on the step!”  Admittedly a part of me – without even realizing it—was bracing!  By now, you can see a whole build up of anticipation, guiding many of my choices over the previous hour.

So, what I encountered next left me laughing!  When we stepped out, what I experienced was entirely different that what I’d been anticipating, different than what I had imagined.  After a careful descent down one frosty step (the glimmering of which delighted our 3 year old son) and into the driveway, what I experienced was PURE BEAUTY!  I felt NOTHING to brace myself for, but instead felt total openness and joy!  The skies were blue beyond belief.  The sun shown extraordinarily bright.  I could feel the heat of the sun’s rays warming everything up, the cold being insignificant in comparison.  As I drove, I couldn’t see even a speck of frost on the sidewalks.  There was no doubt that what little frost or ice that had accumulated would be melted within a few hours.

Our mind is a funny and deceptive contraption.  We use it unconsciously to collect all sorts of data (even from conflicting sources), and whether we realize it or not, we tend to unconsciously organize portions of that data into a “story” of sorts that frames our present and future moments (and is equally capable of reinterpreting our past).  There is a “survival mechanism” embedded in this “device” too, that is on-the-look-out for “threats” to ensure its survival.  Sometimes even effort, or light pain, or cold, or the absence of a look on someone’s face, or being “seen” a particular way is perceived as a threat – and we act in response to that.  Ah the mind!  It dictates what we will encounter next, how we need to protect ourselves, what we need to do (or become) to be more “prepared”, not just for the next moment, but for the whole of our lives.

The opportunity we have here is to question the mind’s chatter and assumptions, with its repetitions and warnings (disguised as rational guidance).  There is an alternative, which today for me would have been to open the blinds and the door, step out for myself, and take in a first-hand experience that would’ve offered a fresh, joyful, radiant perspective!  Today, I choose a story that I’ve experienced and written myself, over a story created by my mind’s notions.  How often do we allow such external data from other’s accounts, the media, and our culture—to guide our choices in small and large ways– verses stepping out with a courageous willingness to have our own personal experience?  We expand our personal power and freedom when begin to TRUST in pure, wordless, experience.  Embodied experience feeds our spirit and fills us up with what is real – what is right before us and within us — be it emotions moving through us, beauty to behold, exploring a new relationship, or trying out new ideas in our businesses.  It is one way we can know and bring forth what is most authentic in ourselves and experience an aliveness reflected in the actual moment at hand.

Very recently, I noticed a rising hesitation in me at the onset of the Holiday Season.  In local stores, observing Christmas aisles located right alongside the Halloween aisle felt “distorted”, and I could feel my body seize at the thought of being ushered forth at some un-natural pace.

The notion that this Season can be a “shock” to our system is not new news.  For decades, publications have been full of tips for bringing the joy back into the holidays, simplifying for happiness sake, how to take your foot of the gas pedal and with it lighten your stress, etc…  As a society, so many have noted that something sacred and essential is lost as we get swept up in the commercialization of the holidays (and with that, swept up in patterned ways of being).

What was now occurring to me is that over time, as a society, we’ve gradually drifted away from the rituals of the holiday season and instead allowed ourselves to shift focus to the symbols or representations of Christmas (religious or not), whatever they may be for the individual.  (I refer here primarily to Christmas, that being the cultural orientation of my family, but I suspect there may be broader applicability.)

It seems to me that one critical difference today is that, without these ritualistic traditions, our BODIES are less and less engaged in the creation and unfolding of the holiday, leaving us without the anchoring that a rhythmic, poised-in-the-present-moment experience brings us.  Consequently, it is our aliveness and soulful meaning that is sacrificed.

To offer some examples…Once upon a time, we each went out into the snow, found the tree that most spoke to us and carried it home, erected it, adorned it with handmade treasures and candles, and gathered around sharing handmade gifts and song.  Then one day, we started buying trees on local tree lots, or bought artificial trees, perhaps due to lack of accessibility, perhaps in an effort to speed up the process of getting the symbol of Christmas in place.  It seems that the trend of focusing on the symbol instead of the process or ritual has influenced our inclination toward mass-produced, ready-to-go ornaments, and even easy-install, artificial trees, pre-loaded with lights.  “Just fold open and plug in.”  DONE!

Everywhere, we have created shortcuts for getting it all done — to have the symbols of Christmas checked off our lists:  gifts for everyone (ordered on-line with the click-of-a-button, gift-wrapped and shipped), music downloaded to our iPod, holiday cards (printed online, addresses uploaded for speed).  You get the idea.

There is no doubt that our lives are as “busy” and full as ever, but perhaps there is a missed opportunity here.  Are we ready to shift our experience of embodying the pressures of the Season to one of embodying the practice itself?  I believe it’s possible for us to reclaim a soulful experience by simplifying our holiday to-do lists, committing less of our energy to positioning symbolic images, and instead commit to engaging the whole of ourselves in the aliveness of a embodied approach to tradition.

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Given the uniqueness of your own life, how might you choose to engage in a new (or remembered) form of tradition that brings forth meaning?  Please take a moment to comment and share with us your inspiration!

May you each have a very beloved, sacred Holiday Season!